Getting ready for the long road.

It's been a long while since I last posted.
I know, Procrastination...
But.. but.... I had reasons... (yeah right...)

Anyway, since I started work, there have been many incidents and things that I would have love to blog about. It's just that, by the end of the day I'm just so tired I dont feel like doing anything else. My work life started so soon... I don't even remember having time to breathe. It was just a week after my final paper.

Went back to Kuching to get some documents done, (actually just my passport, cos' I kinda left it back there the last time I went back) Hardly had time to catch up with friends, not that the whole usual crew was around, but still, even those few who were around, I didn't have much time.

Just before I thought I could get all warm and comfy in my bed back home. Here I am... started My first task Co-ordinating Orientation week with annother colleague and fellow Alumni, Chan Kok Hoe. The thing is, Kok Hoe had a pretty similar start as mine. We're both the same age, just that he graduated slightly earlierbecause I joined my undergrad a lil' later.

When that was done, I had a few moments of slow periods.. where things seem rather slow.. and just before I could sink into my seat, I've been assigned a few tasks... some pretty big responsibilities some are flattering some just plain rediculous..(did I spell that right? F that...)

Now Im in a sea of confusion... Things just going through my mind so fast, I can't recall half the things that pass through. Just give me a few more days to set some things straight and I guess I'd be back in the game.

Anyway, on a lighter note, Just attended the gathering organized by the 14th INTIMA term.. yes.. my successors. It's not perfect.. Not just yet.. but its a success nonetheless. I'd actually consider this a big step, towards their success.

Makes me think back to the time when I told Shirley that INTIMA wasn't all that. That being a chairperson more changes that really produce impact and results are done compared to just being an EXCO in general. Now I think my statement back then has been clearly re-affirmed. It really isnt what affiliate your in or what kinda associate you are. EXCO, non EXCO, Council, non Council... it's who YOU are.

Monkeys who know how to make themselves look good and hide their empty shells can be at the top by sweet talking a bootlicking their way up. But when time's up. No one remembers the name, but its different if you have it in you. People may call you an ass cause they dont like your opinions, people hate you for the way you talk. But If you're doing whats right and what needs to be done and achieved what you set out for.. no matter how many people like or dislike you... trust me, even on worst days, at least some people recognize you!

I know this for sure because I've dealt with this people one way or another. Some I've seen Having big improvements, some just got worse for reasons I dont really bother anymore to find out. I remember when I first started, I was pretty determined to help this certain group of people, sacrifising my own time and all together with a fellow colleague of mine.

After awhile, we just realized, it aint working out.. and personally I thought, I don't wanna be poking in other peoples issue especially if they don't appreciate it. Instead it was pretty clear that they showed that they were disatisfied. I mean, It's all cool, Im giving an a little of my time trying to make things work out.. you not only think its a waste of your time instead and do not appreciate it.. thats cool!

Cause you know what? I'm taking that effort elsewhere... to the people who appreciate it and can easily beat you with their eyes closed given the right opportunities. So yeah, tonight was a first step towards that very possible scenario.

I know this post is pretty messed up and people who dont understand will not understand a thing about it.. but yeah, I guess thats how it was intended to be. Anyway, I've kinda realized one thing, I dont really bother who reads this blog. Because if I don't like it, I'm taking it out here. So if one day you too (yes you... the onreading this) find a post talking about a particular subject that sounds like you.. it most probably is you.. so SUCK IT UP!

12.13am and I'm still in the office.
Sometimes, I find somesort of serenity in this... Being alone in the office.
Chaoz!

Boulevard of numbness

I have so much things to write about but I havnt been posting lately due to work and all. But there are just some things that are on my mind that I feel I need to write out the moment I get time.

I wouldn't call myself a religious person, due to my open views on religion. But i Just felt like writing this. Been wanting to since the past few days, but due to time constraints at work. Since I had some free time today...

Dear GOD,

Its another new chapter, got employed before graduating, a pretty good start, accomodation and most basic expenses covered.

But still, I feel numb. Everyday I wake up, look in the mirror and say to myself.

"It's just another day, make it mean something..."

What can I do? Just smile and make everything seem fine and just keep going.

At least I know me going on will affect other to keep going.

I don't know what can I do for myself.

I'm really glad in a way that I have a job now, because I don't really mind working late so I don't have to think about how miserable some things can be.

Been doing overtime for the past week till around 12 to 1 am.

Reaching back to my room all burned out.

Sleeping for a few hours and wake up the next day repeating the same cycle.

Sometimes you really just wish for another soul to be there to listen.

Another pair of warm arms, and a comfortable shoulder.

sometimes thats all it takes, even for a moment.

Thats how it feels, at times.

Even for one short moment, it means more than any other money or pleasure.

I used to live for myself.. cause I thought I had all I needed.

Now it's mroe like living for others.
An empty shell, that longs to be filled.

I really have no doubts about being able to to my job and things that need to be done right.

But I dont know if I know how to live my life right.

Still waiting for that sunshine

Sincerely,

@.

The one who doesn't know how to take care of how to live his life and is sick of pain and decided to go numb.

Catching up

It's been awhile, went back to Kch for a week, after my final exams.. went for some "back home" food and a photoshoot trip with Bian and some friends. didnt get to do much tho' too short a period. Now I'm back and still adjusting to working life. Hmmmmm... New room too.. kinda emty and unorganized. Spent the whole day shopping and looking around for furniture yesterday with Anna the squirrel. Kinda fun, and I managed to buy some of the stuff I wanted. Lets see how this week goes huh..

=S

Just wished I could do all this another day at another time.
Sigh.

Under the weather

I'm Having a headache...
still having that minor chough and flu.
at least no more fever and I got my appetite back.

Just got back from dinner with Alex and The Admin batch.
after skipping lunch cause I was kinda rushing to complete my resume for the company to officially issue me an offer letter.
was doing this trying to study all at the same time.
Didn't had much of a choice Ms. Lillian and the HR dept. guy have been asking for it.
So I needed to study and I needed to write a resume.
and I did both took a long time to finish it, but I finished it.
How mad can that be?

Seriously I think my life isn't normal.
At least no where near normal.
Even after finishing my degree, I only get to go back for a week, just to pack up some stuff, and get some documents done.
then I'll have to haul my arse back here to start work.
talking about being able to work under pressure..
I was considering to add in my resume that free and easy never existed in my vocab.

I hate it that now that Im sick, and I have to try to concentrate and study.
Trying hard to push

Sick

Head is spinning like mad.. Was so sick I spent the whole day isolating myself in the room yesterday. Feeling better today, but lost my appetite to eat. ish.... had lunch with Carol but never got to finish my bowl of beehoon soup. had 2 mouthfulls and that was it. bought a slice of watermelon and only ate half of that too. everything tasted wierd.

So damn annoyed at this.

First post using my new lappy =)

Things have been rather interesting in a way...
Lets see how things go.
Let it be,
Let it be...

you can close your eyes to what you do not want to see, but you can't close your hear to what you don't want to feel.

Just two nights ago, I attended the 13th INTIMA LEO Club of INTI-UC's "Appreciation Night", A night to mark the ending of my term. I'd say it was rather a night where I had some sort of bittersweet emotions going through me. After so much hard work, letting go was just plain awkward.

There still much more to be done, but I couldn't do it all. I wish I could but, Time is only given to us, without consiering how much we need. Limited as it is, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. thats all we get. Not more, not less.

I still remember that ery first week when it all came down on me. I wasnt even ready or it all, I was lost and confused. I had less than a week to buck up and get the whole bunch going. I wouldn't say that we were at the best possible situationat that moment. Everyone was demoralized from the last 12th INTIMA awards presentation and installation night as, they only got one award which most would belief was out of sympathy no for appreciating their work.

I made one promise which actually sort of haunted and pressured me me throughout my term. That promise was, "It's ok if you guys didn't get it last year, this year, I'm gonna do my best to grab our share of the awards"

I was mean, I was pushing, I was worried shitless and sleepless for many days and nights especially when they had an event or were doing something. I was so worried that every single mistake that they could have possibly make would, have some sort of long term effect in achieving our goal.

I tried not to worry, it never worked. Juggled between all this during my non academic time, and pushing hard with my assignments and projects. Thank you so much to my groupmates for bearing with my tight time constraint, we made it through also so far, achieving highest marks I think for 90% of our assignments, and thats not only for our section 5k3 but also highest compared to the other section in our batch. Not to metion getting the best buiness plan presentation award, for our our entrepreneurship project at the job and career fair.

Not many ay know as I didn't go around screaming we got the highest marks in class even beating our very own class bred "kiasu groups". I hopes this also sets a vision for the incoming term that, even with a tight schedule, it is somewhat possible. Slacking in academics due to the ack of time is just an excuse made by people who dont intend to face and solve the problem of their personal managment and motivation.

Back to the appeciation night, I brought Carol along to come as my guest. It was rather funny when I suddenly thought about using her as a motivation role model during the sharing session (sorry Carol for making you famous =D it was really random). Carol I would say was another version of me, who had graduated a semester earlier, and had her first class honors, not to mention being an Ex-Adventure Chaiperson during the 11th term and obtaining the best chairperson award and also her club obtained the Best Club award. Personally I was hoping to get the best club award for he great improvement my commitees have achieved, But I guess we were just short of that award. But, it's ok, Because in my mind I know what they can and have achieved, and I'm still proud of them!

I used Carol as a role model for them because shehas completed the whole circle including academics and being a female, I believe the incoming term has no excuse say that gender is even an issue. I'm still on my way there, but I think a First Class honor's is a long shot for me. I've put aside too much time, an I'm not exactly the kind of straight A student that qualifies for that.

I believe Carol had lots of fun that night too, I could see she was laughing like mad somehwere throughout the middle onwards. Shy in the beginning and laughing like mad later, how ironic. But I'm glad she had fun, cause, I would held resposible for dragging her there.

On the other hand, we celebrated Cha Ling and Miss Lillian's birthday that night. Coming to think of it, it was a packed night with multiple celebrations. So, Happy birthday Miss Lillian and our Leo flower Cha Ling.

It really feels wierd to let go, all of a sudden, something you worked so hard for. Putting so much effort into it, nowletting go and trusting it to another person, who will decide the fate of the whole show. Would your hardwork grow and flourish? or would it somehow fall back to the ground? Despite all confidence being given to your succesors, that thought just come naturally.

Well, I guess, I havn't come to the part about how many awards or what awards did we get this term huh?

This is what we got:

Best Social Affiliate Award -LEO CLUB

Best Community Service Award - LEO MISSION(The event where we constantly go to orphanages on weekends to give tutoring sessions)

Best Camp Award - Children's Camp 5 (our orphans and children camp)

Best Event Review - Children Camp 5 (Brainchild of TinChew ErSin and SuatLi, I had sleepless night reviewing it too you know.. =D)

Best Vice Chaiperson 1- LEO Steffi Caroline

Best Vice Chaiperson 2- LEO Ong Shi Jing (Doreen)

Best Council Member - Arthur Manfred

I am but glad that I've kept my promise to this lovely bunch of people.

Steffi,Doreen,SuatLi,Debbie,Tinhew,SiowWen,ErSin,Irene,ChaLing,DoDo,AhMoh,MeiXin,SoonHao,Serene,Adam,WeiKean and also a special thanks to Shawn Seet for always being there to lend us a helping hand!

Now I'm left with one aim, for the time being, getting through my finals. this will bethe last paper for my undergraduate, Bachelor of Marketing(Hons.), University of Hertfordshire. My degree.... closer than ever.

I hope I have the same fate as what I've achieved non-academicly. At the same time, digesting the thought of letting go. Suddenly not used to not having that burden on me anymore.

This is indeed turning out to be a long post, I shall end here, and upload the pictures in the next post.

Just got a text from my little chicken Carol(yea for today her name is little chicken), that tonight might have seats for dinner at PanPacific@ KLIA. Woots, dinner! Hmmmm interesting... We'll see what happens tonight. =)

For now, Im gonna hit the publish post button, take a shower and off to the library.!

Period!

Oh yea Carol, This goes to you.. Keep Bleedin'.. Keep Keep Bleeding..... muahahahah

Wonderwall

Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you.

By now you shoulda somehow realize what you gotta do,

I don't believe anybody feels the way I do about you now.

Back beat the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out.

I'm sure you've heard it all before but you never really had a doubt.

I don't believe anybody feels the way I do about you now.

And all the roads we have to walk are winding,

and all the lights that lead us tehre are blinding,

I don't believe anybody feels the way I do about you now.

Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me,

and afterall you're my wonderwall.

Today was gonna be the day but they'll never gonna thro it back to you.

By now you shoulda somehow realize what you're not to do.

I don't believe anybody feels the way I do about you now.

And all the roads we have to walk are winding,
and all the lights that lead us there are blinding,
I don't believe anybody feels the way I do about you now.

Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me,
and afterall you're my wonderwall.

Thoughts in my head that keep me from sleeping

How did I spend my last night as a president?

With my back facing the stage, and being treated like an extra.
I don't even feel like a president, from the beginning I was runnign around like a mad man, trying to get things done. trying to make things right.
And when people could start to stand on their feet, the no longer needed a president,
they just needed their fame and their fun. Their share of the slice of cake.

I guess, thats the way it goes.

5 awards mean for nothing.
when you don't feel like anything.

I think I've already done what I needed to do here.
Time for me to turn and walk away.

I am

Thinking that it's rather amusing how shallow people can think.

one fine day

I guess it's okay... At the end of the day, once all is done, you only have yourself.
Don't expect appreciation, don't expect people to understand.
Just be pleased that little voice inside your head knows you're doing the right thing.
It's gona be fine.

Do I?

I don't know.. I don't know... I don't Know.... I don't know..... I don't know!!!!!

-

All of a sudden I'm tuning to some hyper trance tracks while going through my paper...
omg what is wrong.. my room feels like a rave site.

July 19, 2009

Woke up feeling as if I had a hangover when I didnt even touch a single drop of alc. for the past 2 months.

WTF.

anyway, I'm kinda hungry and just started to get comfortable on my seat.
Gonna have to continue on my Market and Social Research paper. urgh...
almost there... almost there.... thinking about the finish line...

Honestly, I don't know how am I gonna get through this.
sometimes it just feels like im falling onto my own puke.

I guess this is where I stop so I can begin with my work.

Carol's Graduation

As promised earlier.. some shots during Carol's graduation..

So close yet so far...... I'm so mesmerized by this Degree Cert.

We managed to take lots of wierd and funny shots in front of the red star.

But, I decided to post the decent one. =)

At sports hall.. after the ceremony.
University of Hertfordshre, our Uni.

With Johnny!!!!

Being Chairperson isn't easy already by itself, but being a recognized chairperson and still being able to achieve something academicly is for me, really something to be proud of.

Congrats Carol!

and Thanks for the buddy gift dedication!

Oh not for getting thanks to Dr Sia too.. haha

phuh....

NEEDS A REAL GOOD BACK MASSAGE!

1032 emails

I have also deciuded to delete all 1032 emails from my inbox
as I have no time to read all those forwarded mails.
and my email inbox is to messy to play a funtional role in my life.

Hoping this would make it much more functional fr now on.
*fingers crossd*

Another Crazy weekend being a super stressed out student

The weekend has been crazy.. I took almost the whole of friday off and attended Carol's Graduation Ceremony (will post about this later on). then been editing my Public Relations assingment straight for 2 days jsut to make sure everythings going with the flow

Spent another 5 hours just making the PR video. Thanks so much to Mr Song and Ms Yeoh for helping out. I'd say Alex is a straightforward guy with simple and realistic demand when it comes assignments. Sometimes I wish all assignments could be as straightforward as this. Guess all along we've been either thought the wrong way, or the lectuerers always make things harder than it seems. Anyway, my time is almost up. hoping I could just Achieve as high as I can.

now done with PR, I've got a Market and Social Research presentation tomorrow.. another sick assignment.. Dont know why....

Still I guess I've got to suck it up and keep going.
Was really demotivated at one point.
But seeing Carol achieving so high and seeing that our results are more or less the same of course being a guy, generally mine would be slightly lower. but still I'm having my fingers crossed.

Thanks Carol for the encouraging words.. I needed that.
Others wont really understand, even my classmates, can't balme them, they're jsut classroom students.

Coming from someone who has a similar background and going through the same phase.. it awesome.

But hopefully the motivation keeps going till the very last day I sit in that hall doing my paper.

If a monkey were to sit on the top of a tree... What would you see from down here? A Big Red Butt!

300YOU!
Shuttup!
listen.....
I said Shuttup!

Do you know waht you're doing?
Don't act like you know if you don't know.
pfffttt....
just shuttup LAH..
_____________________________________________

Yeaps.. thats what I sometimes feel like saying to someone.
It's so obvious when everything has been laid out to make things easier to be done.
But no,.... prefer doing it the hard way....
let me suggest going back to the stone age perhaps..
Sorry for being mean but I've got so many reports from different people and I cant help but to really find it true..
from personal encounters.

trust me, your friends see it, they just dont wanna tell you.
But it seems that you like being an entertainment for others to talk about over their meals when you're not around.

I guess,
sometimes people who don't use their common sense or practice what they preace can be at the top.

I guess prolly not for the betterment of anybody..
But for the sole amusement of everybody.

the story of J

I learned something from a friend called J whom I met not too long ago.

"You win some, you lose some"

I mean I didnt lierally learned that from J.
It was more of a conlcusion I had after certain experiences.
Now when Think about the things that I encountered here rom the very first day I came.
It really is clear that you can't have everything.
Even if you were all that great, there are somethings that have to be lost when you intend to win something else.

Still waiting for that day, for that silver lining.

The picture, a few steps back

Been reviewing the whole week, about things that happened and all.
and kinda concluded.

You see, some people just have to be liked by other people.
they need to appear like as if theyre at the top of the food chain.

But sometimes, I see right through people like that.
to me, sometimes if you stand far away enough to look at the whole picture,
it's kinda amazing the kind of shows and drama's people put on just for that extra attention.

see, I' the kinda person who talks trashabout others IF I can do better.
and yes, I do prove it.

what I see, is most people tend to trash about other just to make themselves feel good.
It sound kinda cool if you're as ignorant.
But, take a step back as I said earlier, and you'll see a fools show going on.

though it's sad, but I have to admit, I'm seeing this rather often around nowadays.
I guess it's the weather.................................. NOT!

I think I should start scaring people away from me, before I start to see all their true colours.
I believe the preview I'm getting now is freaky enough.

I really miss those good old days when I'm actually around people who walk their talk.
but anyway... reality...

JCF2009

Hohohoho, I just got one of the pics of facebook, Got tagged by Joan.
Couldnt find the whole group of photos, especially the ones with Dr Lim Ho Peng in it.
Prolly have to drop by cindy's office in PMO one of this days to get em'.

it rather small to read, but is says " The Best Business Plan Project"
and a stingy RM"300"

My Chillout and Co. did it somehow!

hahahaha

Ok that was random..

Actually hrere was this Job and carrer fair going on,

And our project supervisor Ms Syarifah, asked our class if the groups wanted to be involved i a business plan presentation competition.

I was rather skepticle at first, and actually didnt have a single thought about taking part due to the amount of shitload of work I have,

But the rest of Chillout, wanted to go on with i and the rest of the class to, so Chillout joined the rest of the groups in or Section and did our thang'

judgesfrom various companies came and I had presented of no less than 9 or 10 judges from Organizatios such as, Foetus Internaional, Ricoh, BASF, Piceri, and many more. I just remembered feeling thirsty and damn exhausted after presenting for about more than 2 or 3 hours straight. presenting was really much of the thing that was exhausting, but I was handling the student coucil elections for the new term, and this got me running in and out of the hall as it was in another location.

But ea.. after the presentation were over, I actually almost made up my mind to leave, and skip the results as I just ner thought I would get a chance,.

But.....

When they released the results!!!! my tream and I got 1st!!!! awesomeness.!

A sudden surge of Pleasure shot up to my head and I got felt wide awake!

It wasnt because of the money we won, it was even about having the business plan recognized and accepted.!

But the pleasure of beating a certain group of people who decided to make life hard for everyone.

but ass for the rest of the groups, I think they did rather well, esp. Tinchew and Raymonds group, they prepared quite alot and marcellina's group, judging from thier presentation during our first round with the panel judges.

anyway... good job and well done everyone!

last year, I did MIMS! this year... no MIMS but business plan presentation in JCF!

what a way end my external academic achivements.

Thanks team! LeeYoonHenry Ng,BeeJun, and SoonKL.

I need to RANT!

I dont mean to be mean, I have good intentios, but I just feel like doing this right now.

Seriously, I dont mind checking their mistakes and helping them out.

But I just dont understand the nature of the mistakes made.

I mean, it's just as simple as either my standard is just too high, or their expectations over things are just unusually low.

I probably praised too soon.

But, I never expected such a situation where even when I made it a point for myself to help them.

There wasn't much for me to help due to the time constraint and the nature of the problems.

what's worse, no one even bothered to figure out where the problem was.

Except for the rabbit who came by later and I explained, but it doesnt really make a difference since the rabbit and I will be going off the next semester.

Who will actually learn or is intereted to learn from all this mistakes and make sure it doesnt happen again?

Or is it jsut gonna be left like tht and whoever takes over continues with the same mistakes absent mindedly?

I think people should take things a stepat a time, and not thinking about bigger challanges when challanges at the current leve are not performed up to standard.

There is a difference between doing something for the sake of doing,

and

Doing something to the very best and looking for every single mistakes to improve on.

I also seriously do not understand ow people are so short sighted and they only look at things from a close point of view instead of planning further ahead and looking at the bigger picture.

argh! 3 in the morn, Iwould have been a happy person being able to help out in a way,

but instead im realizing despite me trying to help, they didnt try to help themselves in the first place.

Immagine trying to save someone who sint even trying to swim towards your direction or at least making enough waves to grab anothers attention.

Morning coffee and a PR report.

have a Public Relations report to write... Woke up prepped myself, got a big cup of coffee (double shot), now updating blog just to wait till I'm out of McSleepy mode and get into hyper workaholic playhard/workhard McStitch mode to begin it.

Thinking of some good homecook food, how nice it would be if you actually have someone to cook for you at times like this.

*slaps self in face*

Wake up Arthur.... wake up.... stop dreaming.!

___________________________________________________________________

One week ago, hahahaha I just had my first "official" tapau session for the food society with the Vice. LMAO!

Our previous "tapau" sessions during the ICRB "Independant Constitution Review Board" meetings didnt count because we never had an opening ceremony before.

So this timebefore our KB trip we did it.. I guess we just bored ourselves silly.

Napkin on the left written by me signed by Carol, Napkin on right written by Carol signed by me.

Then Tada! officiated.. but Johnny ate both Boxes.
Because Carol and I were to hungry earlier we finished up ours.
Even Kok Hoe finished his.
So for some discreet reasons johnny was the only one who got 2 boxes.

Well, if yo're wondering who the Vice is, there you go. Carol (note picture below) currently in the varsity's marketing office, also known by Johnny and I as Khong Krap Prat Ngap Tham Put Ne Chi Phiet Nyien (with a Thai accent)

Notice that before anyone picked up their forks, she was already zooming in on the dish.

My,... my.... what a glutton.!
___________________________________________________________________

On other matters,

I'm currently listening to Zee Avi,

I find it pretty awsome for a Malaysian.

Born a Sarawakian, in the Island of Borneo, not those average wannabe Malay singing Malaysian Singers.

Its and english album with the exception of one song entitled "kantoi" peeps back home would know what this means.

Do try this if you're into something Jazzy. I'd say something between Norah Jones and Colbie Caillat.

Thumbs Up!

In Memory of M. Jackson

A white candle for the man whose works of music I have listened to since I was about 5 or 6 years old.

As I grew older, the songs started to slowly fade away.. but the memory remains fresh.

This is the least I could to to celebrate the Man who has influenced many others and left his mark in peoples minds.

Michael Jackson, 1958 - 2009

2nd visit to Penang

some shots taken on my second trip to Penang, early June 09'.

Miss Wincci Soo, Miss Malaysia World 2008

Wincci singing a song during the Forum Dinner I attended.

Her singing that night wasn't that great though, but still I guess good enough for some people.

On the Trishaw ride I took,

the Old uncle was zooming past traffic and jam like it was a ride in the park.

One of my favourite pictures ever taken, an old painter being watched by curious children.

Picture in partial colour for the "feel"

Random shot of a statue in front of the Khoo Kong Si Temple.

Inside Fort Cornwalls.

4 hours sleep again

Conducted the first round of interviews for the incoming stdent council candidates with my Independant Committee yesterday (IEC). Took a whole 7 hours just to finish it off at approx. 2am . By the time I got back to my room, it was already around 3. Not to mention taking a shower before going to sleep and all.

People dont seem to carry their common sense around anymore.

Well, as usual, some people complained about the wait.

But I guess they think that everything is supposed ot be easy. heck. the WAIT is PART of interview itself. F.Y.I.

Immagine me sitting in there for 7 hours straight. With the rest of my team.

you shouldn't be complaining cos youre waiting for your turn andyour expecting to get something out of the interview.

I/We dont get shit from it. and We have to continue waiting and listening even whe your turn is up.

like seriously? other than complaining over the obvious, any other options? may I suggest, get a life?

Left shelf, the third isle, next to the toilet paper... go! shoooo

I think I should put a note outside the interview room:

If you think you're busy, I'm DEAD busy. Yet, I'm still here.

Ironicly twisted in the head

I can't wait till I get my normal life back.

I really dont like this role playing shit.

It's gettin to the worst of me.

Being a friend, who is trying to be considerate,

Being a person who also has to choose and criticize to bring out anothers best just because it par of my responsibility.

Being a leader who just want someone to continue my work when I'm done with my turn.

Being who I am at what I am supposed to be at that very moment.

So many roles, just one man.

I know people will just say it'snot such a big deal and what not.

These are the people who only talk the talk and all.

Because when I do something, I prefer it do it well, and if it has already been done well, when it comes to me, I'd choose to bring the game to a higher level.

Thats me, I don't do it for the sake of doing.

I do it to leave my mark.

That means exposure to high amounts of stress and pressure.

not that I'd expect ordinary "typical Malaysian attitude" people who just "wait for shit to happen then decide what to do about it"

So far, I've learned many things, that sometimes when paying many different roles, you just have to be mean, and straight without beating around the bush, some things, you should say, and some things it's better you not say and let other find out themselves for them to learn.

But I guess most of the people here in general have a long way to go.

__________________________________________________________________

Last night I was at the open area @ dining hall. I was talking with SuatLi about IEC and all, and the 14th recruitment.

We had this conversation about how or wht it is to be at the bottom of the ladder and above the ladder.

What actually hit me was, when we were talking about training her to be a much more capable person and all previously.

She mentioned that she wasn't trained.

This is what actually shocked me.

Learning in my definition here is not measured by how much a person does everything for you, or pushes you up.

I believe that is what she thinks, as I don't literally do everything for them.

But as far as I'm concerned, Learning only starts when you yourself have the desire to learn more and climb higher, your mentor will be there to cach you when you fall so all you have to do is reach higher and higher with confidence and feel secure because theres sumone there to guide you and catch you when you fall.

I am dissapointed in a way.

It seems that they expected to be spoonfed all the way.

Have I not done enough?

I remember from the very first time the team started, I was leading the way, but no one could follow my speed or catch up.

Then, I decided to let them learn and grow at their own pace.

I was always ready to back them up.

But I think now that it is pretty clear, that they do not see or understand.

I guided them and assisted every single event from the very beginning.

No appreciation, but its ok, because I know it's what I need to do.

I implemented changes to actually make things systematic or easier,

not many followed.

I started to get busy with all the other things I got involved in including the varsity events.

so meaning I have less time to assist them in things.

But still, I was there when they needed anything, they only needed to ask.

I always made sure from behind checking with officers and all regarding their progress,

just to make sure they are doing the right things.

Not forgetting cleaning up the mss and facing the "music" from others when they do something wrong.

I'm ready for that, as a matter of fact, I expected that the moment I decided to let them make their own decisions, I was ready to catch em' fall.

The questions is, just because they dont see it or feel the pressure that I do.

Does that mean I've done any less?

Do I have to go out and shout "Hey! I've done this and that for you. Without that, do you think you will succeed?"

I've even had irresponsible people who left along the way, things were bad, but I stayed for the rest.

Is this also not good enough?

I've had a Vice who always misinterprate and causes havoc with an imature attitude, even embarassing the whole team once in public. Still I stayed on an carried on for the rest of the team throughout the whole event.

Is this still not good enough?

this are the few of the many things that made me realize that I am here not only for myself but for everysingle one in there.

I am just curious, that if each and everyone had been given a chance to just re-live this few incidents that I've mentioned as me. hwo would they react and what would they have done.?

Just want to make it clear that I don't gain fom this, Im not being paid for this, I am just a volounteer, pledging myself to try and make things better.

I guess I'm sad to say, if that's what they feel, then I've failed to let them grow, what more to say teach.

__________________________________________________________________

Artistic pictures taken during weekend outstation trip with the marketing trip.

sometimes I really feel like the world around me is just black and white.

This is a similar shot taken by Kok Hoe who was experimenting with my Camera.
Not bad for a starter

Guess Where.

Went outstation again with the Marketing/Teambuilding Team.
This time had Carol who just joined the Marketing Department after graduating a semester earler than me.

So considering this the first outstation trip with my Vice Presdent of the "Tapau Food Society" (inside joke we used to have when we were doing the ICRB)

Anyway, the crew was Johnny, Kok Hoe, Carol, Yat Sin and I,
A friggin 8 hours roadtrip.
Departed around noon from campus, so we arived at the destination about 11.30pm.
Dr. Sia and Ms Lillian were joining us the day after so we went on to this place which Johnny took us to and had our awesome DINNER!

Sugarcane by the bottle!

C.O.C.O.N.U.T.!

Green (unriped) Mango and Papaya salad thingy

Flaming Chicken

A closer shot

Fish...

TomYam, spicy yet satisfying

My favourite, already missing it... Pork Leg! (deepfried and crispy)

stirfried "petai" beans

Stirfried Eel!

Overall it was a tiring and exhausting event, but the food an company was great. I had time away from stressing issues and time with fun peeps.

Had some time to think in the car (8 hours to go, 8 hours coming back),

So kinda think that:

"People should stop asuming that they're greater than other people and the whole world is only about them. It's the people who are quietly doing things behind that actually make the difference happen"

________________________________________________________________

Back to reality, IEC meeting in about 2 hours, gotta go through the applicants with the other IEC committees. Hoping that disqualified people buck up an realize that I'm leading IEC but I dont make the decision for it's other committees.

Glad I've got capable assistants,

Daniel, Pei Yin, and Lu Yue, very experience people who actually have a common understanding and grasp of things as I have.

and not forgetting Joo Phong(Yu Fong), a capable secratary who does things without complain. I'm impressed.

Thanks People.

________________________________________________________________

I wanted to do a post about cc5 earlier but there so much to write about it.

CC5 was great, maybe I'll wirte about it once I finish my PR assignment.

But, before that, TinChew,SuatLi, and ErSin.

You guys were Great!

I've seen improvement in SuatLi, TinChew has moved his game up a few steps, and ErSin as from the beginning a potential, polished her skills even more.

I like what I see, Because they finally did something which I've always thought they would never experience.

And after this experience I believe that they will somehow see things as I do.

Hopefully.

Being successful this time, it give them even more courage to push the tempo up further in the future.

_______________________________________________________________

6 feet from the edge

What do you do when you somehow know all you've worked for is going to crumble,
and you know it's not your decision to make.
At the same time, you're hoping that even if it crumbles, others have things going their way smoothly elsewhere.

Tell me now,
tell me how.

3 crazy weeks

just had a crazy week of assignments, then a weekend in penang for Forum, then a crazy week again, then weekend in TinChew's CC5 as camp commander. one more day tomorrow for CC5. tired, feeling sick, burned out amd hoping t have enough energy in a few days time to write about it.

I'll be back!

Hopeless

How do you judge what is deserving for someone?

Why have I tried my best and yet, I got the worst?

out of all of us who fell into the sea, why am I the only one without a float?

I dont know wht to say, I am speechless.
I was motivated, and even further determined when I first found out something good was coming my way,
Then in the end, it all got taken away, in exchanged for misery.

Losing hope.
I'm thinking of giving up.
I gave more than and ordinary student,
I gave academicly, and actively,
why? for the only reason I know...

I may not be perfect at what I do as no one is..
But I will do it as well as I can if its up to me.

Thats what I used to believe.

Im sorry I guess thats all taken away now.

Whatever happened today, Burned a hole in my world and left its mark.